Trailer Treasures and Trash (But Mostly Trash)

I've been wandering around the trailer park a lot lately, basically just allowing myself to be bombarded with movie trailers, and now I want to share (or unload) my findings. I meant to write this awhile ago, so I actually had to watch some of the trailers for these films multiple times, which was often quite...trying. Okay, it was downright unbearable for some of them. Note: I'm not commenting on the trailers themselves, like if they're particularly snappy or what not; I'm just giving my brief opinions about the films BASED on the trailers. Come along on my journey, won't you?

Baby Mama: Another day, another pregnancy movie. Unfortunately, this one doesn't look smart, insightful, or funny. Amy Poehler plays a white trash surrogate mother for snooty, upper-crust Tina Fey's baby. Watch out, they're comically mismatched! Tee hee hee. It seems like Ms. Fey is slumming it a bit with this one. How bourgeois of her. As you can tell, I'm not a fan of Tina Fey. The two female characters look like sexist caricatures, and the image of Amy Poehler crouching in the sink to pee is so disturbing. This movie looks as deep as a thimble and as trashy as Poehler's character.

The Dark Knight: I watch this trailer constantly, and it never gets old. It's one of the best trailers I've ever seen, and the film still looks like it'll be the best of the summer. I love you, Heath!

Forgetting Sarah Marshall: I'll be blogging about the film, its ad campaign, and Judd Apatow's comedy in an upcoming post (soon, so look for it!), but I'm sticking to the trailer for now. This film has all the makings of another Apatow masterpiece. I can't wait to see it.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: I did not grow up with these movies. I've only seen one of them, Temple of Doom, and it was a few months ago. It was fun, but I wasn't terribly impressed. I think this is the sort of franchise, like Star Wars, that you need to get into at an early age. So, it doesn't have the magic for me. This film, which I'm sure has inspired many a wet dream for fanboys, just doesn't look that good. Sure, it seems like typical Indy fun, I like that Harrison Ford (still sexy) is joking about his age, Shia LaBeouf is a promising talent, and Cate Blanchett looks like a badass villain, but the film looks cheesy and silly. Maybe that's the point, but Indiana Jones, I'm just not that into you.

The Incredible Hulk: Hmm, déja vu... What's the point of this? Seriously. Who's demanding another movie about the Hulk? This version looks ridiculously awful. YAWN. I don't care what everyone else says - I actually liked Ang Lee's interpretation. I didn't love it, but I did enjoy it, and I don't know why everyone thinks it's such an abomination. Edward Norton as the Hulk? Um, not so much. The CGI Hulk looks cheap and terrible. He doesn't look like Edward Norton at all! They're not even trying. And Ang Lee's The Hulk was released only FIVE years ago. Ang Lee, meet Mr. Slap-in-the-Face.

The Love Guru: Mike Myers has become a parody of himself. He used to be talented. No, really, I remember. I shamefully admit that I giggled a couple of times during the trailer, and Justin Timberlake looks hilarious, but this is such an Austin Powers wanna-be (look, there's Verne Troyer!), and that's not even a compliment, because the Austin Powers franchise sucks overall. Ew, Mike Myers trying to hook up with Jessica Alba? Nasty! And even before the public hullabaloo about the depiction of Hinduism, I thought it looked offensive to the religion and Indian culture. It deserves the backlash that it's getting from Hindus. Yikes, I didn't even realize Ben "Gandhi" Kingsley is in this movie. How far the mighty have fallen...

Mamma Mia!: This musical looks adorable. It's so sweet that I thought I might get my first cavity just from watching the trailer. I mean, it's really, really cute, but maybe too cute for its own good. I was taken in by the teaser, but once I saw the theatrical trailer, I was getting kind of sick of it. The cast is amazing (Amanda Seyfried and especially Meryl Streep look divine), the music sounds good (even though I've never been an ABBA fan), and it looks exuberantly fun. Once I saw the long version of the trailer, I had time to think, and I thought, "It's not cute or funny or endearing that she could possibly have three fathers. Why are we celebrating Meryl Streep's character's sluttiness? Since when is sleeping around charming?" How offensive. Needless to say, my feminist radar started beeping big time, and I'm no longer as excited about the movie. I'll probably still see it, but I have a sour taste in my mouth, which is a nice change from all the saccharine.

Meet Dave: Atrocious-looking movie with Eddie Murphy playing more than one character. Surprise, surprise. Could his ego get any bigger? This comes out on my birthday, too. Yuck.

Tropic Thunder: Basically, this is a dumbed-down version of Apocalypse Now directed by Ben Stiller and inexplicably co-written by Justin Theroux. Oh, I forgot, it's supposedly a comedy. I didn't laugh ONCE during the trailer. Typical testesterone-fest about idiotic men shooting a Vietnam flick and starring Ben Stiller, Jack Black, and Robert Downey, Jr. as a black guy. Yeah. Robert Downey, Jr. as a black guy. He's in blackface. It's not the exaggerated blackface of bigoted yesteryear, but still, it's blackface. Why doesn't that seem like a good idea? I love the smell controversy in the morning.

The Visitor: Richard Jenkins looks uncannily like a teacher I had in college. Bill, we've found your twin! Plot in a simplistic nutshell: Jenkins plays a square who meets an illegal immigrant couple. They teach him how to live life to the fullest (and to play the bongos). The immigrant guy gets arrested. Lessons are learned, tears are shed, and hearts are warmed. When the trailer started, I thought it looked stupid. By the end of the two and half minutes or so, I had tears in my eyes. Go figure. The film has a good pedigree with Jenkins and writer/director Thomas McCarthy, who also made The Station Agent. I actually want to see this film.

WALL-E: He's so cute! I love WALL-E! I want to pinch his metallic cheeks! I adored the teaser for this film, as well as the Super Bowl spot. It didn't seem like it could get any better, but it's Pixar, so of course it did. The theatrical version of the trailer gives us a glorious glimpse into WALL-E's experiences on board the spaceship. Robot hilarity and sweetness ensue. I'm just amazed at Pixar's brilliance. He's a ROBOT, and a junky one at that. How do they make him so adorable and expressive? And how come they couldn't make the cars in Cars that expressive? Anyway, WALL-E is so vulnerable, which is what I find very touching and lovable about him. This has the potential to be one of Pixar's best.

You Don't Mess with the Zohan: You don't, eh? What an awful title for a movie. This was written by Adam Sandler, his buddy Robert Smigel, and Judd Apatow. Apatow? Really? He must have written the funny parts. ("Welcome to Hezbollah Phone Line. For terrorist supplies, press one.") No producing for Apatow this time, just writing duties. Sandler plays an Israeli counter-terrorist who decides to become a hairdresser. Okay, if you say so. But it does look somewhat amusing. I'm intrigued. Sandler could use a comedic return to form. Maybe this is it. He also looks oddly beefy and sexy. Still, I can't ignore the deliberate Sacha Baron Cohen/Borat rip-off element. Zohan? Come on, who are you trying to fool? That's insulting to Cohen. Sorry, Sandler, but Cohen did it first, and he did it best. I'm torn about Zohan (sheesh, of all things). We'll have to see what happens.

So, that's all the trailer talk for now. Tune in next time for the Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince trailer edition. Ah, wishful thinking. Seriously...trailer? Soon? Please? I'll be your best friend.