Kung Fu-E

Kung Fu Panda played at Cannes.

Take that in for a moment. Don't you see something horribly wrong with that sentence?

Kung Fu Panda can't possibly be as great as all the critics are making it out to be...can it? Sure, the visuals are nice, but when has Dreamworks ever made a truly credible animated film? (Just because Shrek was successful does NOT make it credible.) And I'm not feeling Jack Black at all right now. Although he's way less annoying than Mike Myers, the media whore, but that's another issue for another day.

Are people really so desperate for an animated summer movie that they're latching onto to Kung Fu Panda for dear life? What, we can't wait three weeks for Wall-E to be released on June 27th? Really? Come now... Pixar = quality. Remember? I scoff in Kung Fu Panda's general direction.

I, for one, am saving myself for Wall-E.

Summer Lovin' 2008

I'm not a huge summer movie gal, but there is always a solid handful that I really, really want to see, and a couple that I NEED to see. Even though I had to stretch a bit to come up with so many, and even though I might not actually see all of them in theaters when the time comes, I've compiled a list of my ten most-anticipated summer flicks.

10. The Rocker: I admit that the trailer doesn't induce more than a couple base laughs, but Rainn Wilson starring in his own vehicle with The Full Monty director Peter Cattaneo at the helm has me just too curious...and hopeful.

9. Hamlet 2: Steve Coogan is a washed-up actor-turned-drama teacher who, when threatened by the school administration that the drama funding will be axed, comes up with a bizarrely inspired concept for a play: "Hamlet 2." How do the characters come back from the dead, asks the lovely Catherine Keener's character? A time machine, and they've got an extra passenger: Jesus. Did I mention that the play is a musical and features a song called "Rock Me, Sexy Jesus"? Sounds irresistible.

8. Hancock: I'm not the biggest Will Smith fan, but I like the idea of seeing him play against type as a mopey, grouchy, past-his-prime, not-so-super superhero. Plus, Charlize Theron and Jason Bateman have an Arrested Development reunion as a married couple. Mr. F!

7. Get Smart: This looks funny, but I feel like it's going to suck. Regardless, I love Steve Carell, and I will be there to support him.

6. The Wackness: Quirky indie stoner comedy that won Sundance's coveted heart this year. Ben Kingsley is a pothead, Juno's Olivia Thirlby gets more adorable and promising by the film, and Nickelodeon mainstay Josh Peck gets a chance to prove his chops.

5. Sex and the City: The Movie: I loved the show, and I'm a woman, so...

4. Wall-E: Pixar can basically do no wrong, and with a script comprised of virtually no dialogue, most of that being only robot sounds, this seems like their most audacious effort yet. And Wall-E is so cute!

3. Pineapple Express: I have high expectations for this Apatow production written by Superbad writers Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg and directed by DAVID GORDON GREEN. Talk about trippy.

2. Vicky Cristina Barcelona: Woody Allen's latest film looks gorgeous, sexy, smart, and beyond fascinating. I'm in love with it already. Scarlett Johannson and Penelope Cruz are in top form (when Cruz has a good director, her talent shines), and they even make out, which is incentive for male viewers...and probably was pretty fun for Allen, as well. Oh, and Javier Bardem is officially the hottest leading man around.

1. The Dark Knight: Obviously.

So, there it is. And number five gets crossed off at 12:01 a.m. tonight! What a great start. Wow, I'm on fire.

Trailer Treasures and Trash (But Mostly Trash)

I've been wandering around the trailer park a lot lately, basically just allowing myself to be bombarded with movie trailers, and now I want to share (or unload) my findings. I meant to write this awhile ago, so I actually had to watch some of the trailers for these films multiple times, which was often quite...trying. Okay, it was downright unbearable for some of them. Note: I'm not commenting on the trailers themselves, like if they're particularly snappy or what not; I'm just giving my brief opinions about the films BASED on the trailers. Come along on my journey, won't you?

Baby Mama: Another day, another pregnancy movie. Unfortunately, this one doesn't look smart, insightful, or funny. Amy Poehler plays a white trash surrogate mother for snooty, upper-crust Tina Fey's baby. Watch out, they're comically mismatched! Tee hee hee. It seems like Ms. Fey is slumming it a bit with this one. How bourgeois of her. As you can tell, I'm not a fan of Tina Fey. The two female characters look like sexist caricatures, and the image of Amy Poehler crouching in the sink to pee is so disturbing. This movie looks as deep as a thimble and as trashy as Poehler's character.

The Dark Knight: I watch this trailer constantly, and it never gets old. It's one of the best trailers I've ever seen, and the film still looks like it'll be the best of the summer. I love you, Heath!

Forgetting Sarah Marshall: I'll be blogging about the film, its ad campaign, and Judd Apatow's comedy in an upcoming post (soon, so look for it!), but I'm sticking to the trailer for now. This film has all the makings of another Apatow masterpiece. I can't wait to see it.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: I did not grow up with these movies. I've only seen one of them, Temple of Doom, and it was a few months ago. It was fun, but I wasn't terribly impressed. I think this is the sort of franchise, like Star Wars, that you need to get into at an early age. So, it doesn't have the magic for me. This film, which I'm sure has inspired many a wet dream for fanboys, just doesn't look that good. Sure, it seems like typical Indy fun, I like that Harrison Ford (still sexy) is joking about his age, Shia LaBeouf is a promising talent, and Cate Blanchett looks like a badass villain, but the film looks cheesy and silly. Maybe that's the point, but Indiana Jones, I'm just not that into you.

The Incredible Hulk: Hmm, déja vu... What's the point of this? Seriously. Who's demanding another movie about the Hulk? This version looks ridiculously awful. YAWN. I don't care what everyone else says - I actually liked Ang Lee's interpretation. I didn't love it, but I did enjoy it, and I don't know why everyone thinks it's such an abomination. Edward Norton as the Hulk? Um, not so much. The CGI Hulk looks cheap and terrible. He doesn't look like Edward Norton at all! They're not even trying. And Ang Lee's The Hulk was released only FIVE years ago. Ang Lee, meet Mr. Slap-in-the-Face.

The Love Guru: Mike Myers has become a parody of himself. He used to be talented. No, really, I remember. I shamefully admit that I giggled a couple of times during the trailer, and Justin Timberlake looks hilarious, but this is such an Austin Powers wanna-be (look, there's Verne Troyer!), and that's not even a compliment, because the Austin Powers franchise sucks overall. Ew, Mike Myers trying to hook up with Jessica Alba? Nasty! And even before the public hullabaloo about the depiction of Hinduism, I thought it looked offensive to the religion and Indian culture. It deserves the backlash that it's getting from Hindus. Yikes, I didn't even realize Ben "Gandhi" Kingsley is in this movie. How far the mighty have fallen...

Mamma Mia!: This musical looks adorable. It's so sweet that I thought I might get my first cavity just from watching the trailer. I mean, it's really, really cute, but maybe too cute for its own good. I was taken in by the teaser, but once I saw the theatrical trailer, I was getting kind of sick of it. The cast is amazing (Amanda Seyfried and especially Meryl Streep look divine), the music sounds good (even though I've never been an ABBA fan), and it looks exuberantly fun. Once I saw the long version of the trailer, I had time to think, and I thought, "It's not cute or funny or endearing that she could possibly have three fathers. Why are we celebrating Meryl Streep's character's sluttiness? Since when is sleeping around charming?" How offensive. Needless to say, my feminist radar started beeping big time, and I'm no longer as excited about the movie. I'll probably still see it, but I have a sour taste in my mouth, which is a nice change from all the saccharine.

Meet Dave: Atrocious-looking movie with Eddie Murphy playing more than one character. Surprise, surprise. Could his ego get any bigger? This comes out on my birthday, too. Yuck.

Tropic Thunder: Basically, this is a dumbed-down version of Apocalypse Now directed by Ben Stiller and inexplicably co-written by Justin Theroux. Oh, I forgot, it's supposedly a comedy. I didn't laugh ONCE during the trailer. Typical testesterone-fest about idiotic men shooting a Vietnam flick and starring Ben Stiller, Jack Black, and Robert Downey, Jr. as a black guy. Yeah. Robert Downey, Jr. as a black guy. He's in blackface. It's not the exaggerated blackface of bigoted yesteryear, but still, it's blackface. Why doesn't that seem like a good idea? I love the smell controversy in the morning.

The Visitor: Richard Jenkins looks uncannily like a teacher I had in college. Bill, we've found your twin! Plot in a simplistic nutshell: Jenkins plays a square who meets an illegal immigrant couple. They teach him how to live life to the fullest (and to play the bongos). The immigrant guy gets arrested. Lessons are learned, tears are shed, and hearts are warmed. When the trailer started, I thought it looked stupid. By the end of the two and half minutes or so, I had tears in my eyes. Go figure. The film has a good pedigree with Jenkins and writer/director Thomas McCarthy, who also made The Station Agent. I actually want to see this film.

WALL-E: He's so cute! I love WALL-E! I want to pinch his metallic cheeks! I adored the teaser for this film, as well as the Super Bowl spot. It didn't seem like it could get any better, but it's Pixar, so of course it did. The theatrical version of the trailer gives us a glorious glimpse into WALL-E's experiences on board the spaceship. Robot hilarity and sweetness ensue. I'm just amazed at Pixar's brilliance. He's a ROBOT, and a junky one at that. How do they make him so adorable and expressive? And how come they couldn't make the cars in Cars that expressive? Anyway, WALL-E is so vulnerable, which is what I find very touching and lovable about him. This has the potential to be one of Pixar's best.

You Don't Mess with the Zohan: You don't, eh? What an awful title for a movie. This was written by Adam Sandler, his buddy Robert Smigel, and Judd Apatow. Apatow? Really? He must have written the funny parts. ("Welcome to Hezbollah Phone Line. For terrorist supplies, press one.") No producing for Apatow this time, just writing duties. Sandler plays an Israeli counter-terrorist who decides to become a hairdresser. Okay, if you say so. But it does look somewhat amusing. I'm intrigued. Sandler could use a comedic return to form. Maybe this is it. He also looks oddly beefy and sexy. Still, I can't ignore the deliberate Sacha Baron Cohen/Borat rip-off element. Zohan? Come on, who are you trying to fool? That's insulting to Cohen. Sorry, Sandler, but Cohen did it first, and he did it best. I'm torn about Zohan (sheesh, of all things). We'll have to see what happens.

So, that's all the trailer talk for now. Tune in next time for the Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince trailer edition. Ah, wishful thinking. Seriously...trailer? Soon? Please? I'll be your best friend.

Accio An Extra Harry Potter Film!

Wow, my spell must have worked, because magical dreaming and speculation has turned into reality. And yes, I know this post is extremely belated, but so what? Big whoop. Wanna fight about it? If you're not familiar with Family Guy, you won't get that last bit or find it funny, so I'm sorry. But I'm pretty proud of myself for incorporating it, and at least I'm amused by it, right?

So, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is being split into two films. That's a HUGE deal. I'm absolutely over the moon (or over the Luna) about this development. I'm a gigantic Harry Potter fan and not ashamed of it one bit. But most Harry Potter fans are assholes, and they complain about everything. With all the movies, it's been gripe after gripe. "How could they possibly leave this part out? They're including this, but not THAT?!" "The movies are too long." "The movies aren't long enough." "The casting is all wrong." "Michael Gambon is no Richard Harris." It's so annoying! The last "complaint" really irks me. Richard Harris died! What were they supposed to do? Cut Dumbledore out of the last five films? And I think it's wonderful that Gambon has put his own spin on the character. That shows even more respect to Harris. If he came in and just did an impersonation, that would be ridiculous. I love what Gambon has added to Dumbledore.

I've never had any issues with what they did and did not include in the films. Of course, there's stuff I would like to see, but I don't get upset about it. I know it's not realistic to show everything. It's not humanly possible. If they tried to show or even touch upon everything from the books, each movie would be 8 hours long. I give the filmmakers so much credit, and I think they're amazing. They capture the magic and maintain the integrity of the books and always manage to keep the films fresh and exciting. I have no quibbles with their decisions whatsoever. The films are such huge undertakings, and who am I to tell them how to do it? It's an interpretation, and J.K. Rowling always approves, so what more can you want? I'm just grateful that they're doing it at all. Cut them some slack! Give them a break! They have done and will continue to do an extraordinary job with the series.

So, even now, when you would think all the Harry Potter fans would be thrilled about an extra film, there's STILL murmuring and complaining all over the internet. "Why does it have to be split it into two? Can't they fit it all into one?" "Each better be x hours long, otherwise it's a scam." "I can't believe we have to wait six months in between films. That sucks!" All the people who were so pissed about their favorite parts being left out are now upset that there's double the time to fit everything in? I don't get it. As far as waiting six months in between films...get a life. Grow up. You waited forever in between books. What's the difference? The anticipation will be so exciting! Just when you think it's over - BAM! - another film. That's awesome, if you ask me. It's double the Potter! Be grateful! What's an extra 10 bucks, really?

Let me deal with the scam issue for a moment. IS it just a scam to make more money? Perhaps. I'm sure that's a little part of it. I'll play devil's advocate. Maybe they do want to milk the franchise for all its worth. But when you think of how much it'll cost the studio to make another huge budget film, it seems highly unlikely that they would go to all that trouble for selfish financial reasons. J.K. Rowling is cool with it, and that's good enough for me! I believe their cause really is noble, because they truly care about the integrity of the books and films. The people involved with the films believe the last book can't be sacrificed. There's too much in it to cut anything out. I agree. I'm sure there were opportunities before to split films up, and nothing ever happened. It makes sense to do it for the last book. I want every last detail included. I don't want to miss out on anything.

Also, there's a lot of anger about the return of David Yates to direct the last two parts. I thought he did a great job with Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. He was better than Columbus, but not as good as Cuaron or Newell. I'm sure it wasn't for lack of trying to get a different director. The bigwigs always prided themselves on keeping it fresh. They had asked Peter Jackson, and they had been after Guillermo del Toro for a long time. Of course, he had to make Hellboy II. Don't get me started... They obviously have faith in Yates, and I think we should, too. He did a fine job with Order of the Phoenix. Let's see what he does with Half-Blood Prince. Give the man a chance. Okay, I'd prefer another director, just to break it up, but I'm fine with him directing the rest of the franchise. I think he'll evolve and grow and learn with the material. So, be nice to David Yates!

So, scam or not, I don't care. Bring. It. On. All I care about is that I get an extra Harry Potter film. I thought it was going to end at seven, so it's amazing that there's now an eighth. It's that simple. There won't be any compromises in the amount or presentation of the material, and it prolongs the experience. I thought I was going to be Potter-less after fall 2010. Now, I won't be. There will be one last deserved hurrah. I don't care if I have to wait an extra six months until late spring or early summer 2011. In fact, that's great! It'll be so exciting to have that to look forward to, and I'm really intrigued to see where they're going to cut it off at the end of the first part.

The bottom line is this: MORE POTTER. What else matters? This decision is bloody brilliant.