Tuesday, May 6, 2008

What's in a Name?

During the course of my recent Disney escapades, I discovered a list of discarded names for the dwarfs in Snow White.

Here's what we could have ended up with as names for these iconic, diamond-mining little men:

Blabby, Jumpy, Shifty, Snoopy, Awful, Bald, Biggo-Ego, Biggy, Biggy-Wiggy, Burpy, Busy, Chesty, Cranky, Daffy, Dippy, Dirty, Dizzy, Doleful, Flabby, Gabby, Gloomy, Goopy, Graceful, Helpful, Hoppy, Hotsy, Hungry, Jaunty, Lazy, Neurtsy, Nifty, Puffy, Sappy, Sneezy-Wheezy, Sniffy, Scrappy, Silly, Soulful, Strutty, Stuffy, Sleazy, Tearful, Thrifty, Tipsy, Titsy, Tubby, Weepy, Wistful, Woeful

Wow. Just take those in for a moment. The names ending in "ful" are terrible. "Bashful" really is the only "ful" adjective that works as a name. They're all appalling in their own special ways, though. Here are my personal favorites (aka the most ridiculous):
  • Awful - Not so catchy.
  • Biggo-Ego - What the...? Why does this sound like a waffle product?
  • Biggy-Wiggy - What does that even mean?
  • Chesty - Was this meant to be a female dwarf?
  • Goopy - What would his defining characteristic have been? Gunk in his eyes?
  • Hoppy/Hopsy - I like to think that the combination of these two rejects was Preston Sturges' inspiration for the character of Charles "Hopsie" Pike in The Lady Eve.
  • Neurtsy - Huh? Yeah, that's something you want to hear from your kids. "Mom, get me the Neurtsy doll!"
  • Soulful - He would have been the Barry White of dwarfs.
  • Titsy - Enough said.
  • Woeful - The thesaurus is not always thy friend.

Suddenly, Doc, Bashful, Grumpy, Sneezy, Sleepy, Happy, and Dopey don't sound so lame. In fact, they sound perfect.


lucysbeau said...

Did you know that the seven dwarfs symbolize the seven stages of cocaine (Snow White) addiction?

Lisa Draski said...

Wow. I did not know that. Those Disney folks were messed up.