Golden Gabbing

I was a total cinematic slacker in 2009. I admit it. But it was a really, really, really tough year for me. 2009, I'll see you in hell. Anyway, back to the matter at hand... I didn't see much last year, so maybe I have no business yakking about the Golden Globes and the fairness or unfairness of it all, but guess what? I'm going to shoot my mouth off regardless.

I don't know much about the workings of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, which is responsible for choosing the winners of the Golden Globes. What I do know is that it's a relatively small, "exclusive" (less than 100 members) group of foreign journalists who cover Hollywood for the rest of the world. These journalists/members are based out of the United States but write for foreign audiences, and they themselves are not native to the United States. I could be wrong about all of this, and please feel free to correct me if I am, but this is what I've gathered from my admittedly very rushed researching. For your consideration, here's a list of the members, the people you either want to praise or blame for the winners.

So, when it comes to movies, there are blockbusters, and there are...non-blockbusters. I know it might be over-simplifying, but that's essentially how it breaks down all year long. There are those that are made to make money and those that are made to win awards...sometimes, a movie does both and gets the audiences AND awards (Titanic and, apparently, Avatar). There's mainstream, and there's not. Just because something bombs at the box office doesn't automatically put it into the non-blockbuster category, though...if it looks like a blockbuster, clucks like a blockbuster...you get the picture. But just because something is artsy doesn't mean it can't also be mainstream, and just because something is mainstream doesn't mean it can't also be artsy. I kind of feel like I'm digging my own grave right now, so I'm going to try to stop babbling. (Sheesh, can you tell I haven't done this in awhile? Yikes...) In conclusion, the movies I'm calling non-blockbusters, in the context of this piece, are what I would consider typical awards fodder (generally end of the year releases, but not exclusively), stuff with substance that deserves to be seen but generally doesn't find the biggest audience or a ton of money, "the good stuff" if you want to be snotty, or independent or arthouse or whatever...basically, you're not going to find Transformers 2 in this category.

Now, all that being said, I don't ever remember there being such a distinct division between blockbusters and non-blockbusters at the Globes as there was this year. I've already been having a blast discussing this on various Facebook status messages (I LOVE talking about this stuff!), but it's especially fascinating and disconcerting this year. There's just such a rift. The 67th Annual Golden Globes was a total popularity contest. I know, I know, people are going to say that it's always a popularity contest, but I don't necessarily agree with that. My point is that it's painfully obvious this time around. If there was the option to go with a commercial choice, the Hollywood Foreign Press took it and ran with it. This is like high school; it could very well be an episode of Glee! Take the Best Actor in a Comedy/Musical category: there's the jock (Robert Downey, Jr., Sherlock Holmes), and then there's the geek (Michael Stuhlbarg, A Serious Man). On what planet would Michael Stuhlbarg NOT deserve this award? Well, this one, apparently, if you ask the HFPA. The cool kid won out. But really, doesn't it make sense when you think about who's voting? Would foreign, globally-conscious voters vote for the flashy Downey, Jr. in a holiday blockbuster or the seriously subtle Stuhlbarg in an under-the-radar gem? Hmm. Downey, Jr. is the more familiar choice, the safe choice and, I propose, the cowardly one.

But I never really thought about this or felt so cynical about it until this year. Have the members of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association been blinded by the bling? This show just seemed so glaringly commercial. I mean, I have a love/hate relationship with awards season (don't we all? We love to hate them!), and whether I agree with the winners or not, I have always LOVED watching the Globes (something about celebrities and booze...). It's maybe my favorite out of all the shows - I love the combination of film and television. Anyway, I feel like the Globes have gotten it right a LOT over the years, so I'm not going to let this year's show muck up its reputation overall. But yeesh...what happened tonight? Well, the box office owned it. The wins for Robert Downey, Jr., Sandra Bullock (I'm sure she's lovely in The Blind Side, but really?? Best Dramatic Actress over all those others?), The Hangover, and Avatar prove that. The box office told credibility and artistry to suck it. That may be a little harsh, but it's how I see it. Since Avatar is a global phenomenon, and the Globes promote, for lack of a better term, global-ness, it makes sense that Avatar won Best Motion Picture Drama. Why would the foreign press care about a film about the Iraq war (The Hurt Locker, which I would have called a lock to win)? Hollywood proper will care when it comes time for the Academy Awards. But globally? Nah. To put it simply, this year's Golden Globes ceremony was a slave to the box office. Or maybe whore is more apt...

Now, some other random thoughts on the show in a segment I'm calling "Things I learned from watching the 67th Annual Golden Globes" (I'm not going to list all the winners or nominees; for a comprehensive list, go here):

• Evidently, I need to start watching Glee and Dexter. I'm not being facetious either.

• Neil Patrick Harris and Jane Krakowski talked about not being suited for drama because of their enormous foreheads...um, Quentin Tarantino's is still bigger. Than both combined. Sorry, guys.

• I still hate the combo Musical/Comedy category. The only reason Nine got nominated is BECAUSE it's a musical - it certainly didn't deserve it otherwise. I think the "musical" label should be cut out completely, and musicals should be placed into whichever category is the most fitting, be it dramatic or comedic. Nine would be a drama. Ray was considered a musical, and thus Jamie Foxx robbed Paul Giamatti of his Golden Globe for Sideways because he was unfairly placed in the same category as Giamatti. Jamie Foxx's portrayal of Ray Charles is not a comedic/musical performance - it is dramatic. And just because the movie is about a singer and has songs in it, that doesn't make it a musical! See also: Walk the Line. At least Nine actually IS a musical, even though it's not a very good one. But where would the brilliant Chicago land - comedy or drama? It's a very dark comedy, certainly, but I would probably come down on the side of drama. Any thoughts on this?

• If I'm going by the nominees for Best Comedy (or Musical - arg!), then 2009 was a very, very bland year for comedies. I guarantee you that no one would have even given It's Complicated or Julie & Julia a second thought, much less any nominations, if not for the prestige that Meryl Streep brings with her everywhere she goes. Don't get me wrong, I love her with a fiery passion, but they'll nominate anything she does. Nine, by default, had to be in this category, (500) Days of Summer, from what I hear, is worthy of its nomination, but is The Hangover really all that? What about the brilliant and hilarious Zombieland?

• Apparently, The Hangover IS all that, as it racked up yet another award - Best Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy. Well, okay then. I guess I have to see it.

• The standard for nominated comedies seems to have plummeted. I can't imagine something like The Hangover being nominated any other year. Why wasn't Superbad nominated in its year? What, that was too low-brow for the Globes, but The Hangover isn't? No, I'm not bitter...

• Combining adapated and original screenplays into one category is stupid. And Quentin Tarantino should have won for Inglourious Basterds. Just saying.

• Ricky Gervais rules. I especially liked his jab at Mel Gibson. While holding a beer, he introduced Gibson, "I like a drink as much as the next man...unless the next man is Mel Gibson." Ba-zing.

• Alec Baldwin needs to go away and give someone else a turn (namely, Steve Carell).

• The more time that passes, the less I like Up.

• The more often that ludicrously long subtitle to Precious pops up, the more ridiculous it sounds, and the more it, unfortunatly, hurts the credibility of the film. Let. it. go.

• Mo'Nique's well-deserved win tonight brings her one step closer to the Oscar. She gave a beautiful speech, too.

• Christoph Waltz's well-deserved win tonight brings HIM one step closer to the Oscar.

• I love Colin Farrell more every day. His Best Actor (Musical/Comedy) Globe win last year for In Bruges was one of the most wonderful and unexpected surprises that the show has ever given me. It might just be my favorite Globe win of all time. Farrell was back tonight, as a past winner, to present an award. I don't remember exactly what was said verbatim, but Ricky Gervais talked about how film brings people together and shatters stereotypes, something like that. He solemnly segued, "One stereotype I hate is that all Irishmen are just drunk, swearing hellraisers." Without skipping a beat, Gervais promptly introduced Colin Farrell. Farrell came out and took it like a champ. He even hugged Gervais. He then said, in a playful sing-songy voice, "Oh, I once was a cliché." He continued, "I heard Ricky had specifically asked to introduce me, and I thought...'Oh, balls.'" It was glorious.

And finally, speaking of glorious, or inglourious to be precise...I absolutlely LOVE Christoph Waltz's thematic, custom-tailored-for-the-occasion acceptance speeches. It's really rather marvelous. The other night at the Critics' Choice Awards, he spoke of the series of "choices" that brought him to that moment and that award. Last night, at the Golden Globes, because it was a global award involving our whole planet, he went with an astronomical theme (and I don't mean "astronomical" in the sense of being huge, I mean it literally, as in pertaining to astronomy). Waltz talked about his "globe," being exposed to the gravitational forces of Quentin Tarantino, and being a part of the bigger constellation of this film...oh hell, just watch it, it's great:

I think his approach to these speeches is so adorable and totally refreshing. Most people just recycle the same thing over and over; Waltz is actually thoughtful enough to recognize and appreciate each honor in its own right by expressing his gratitude in terms of the award itself. I think that's just extraordinary. What a sweet, humble, gracious, beautiful man. Christoph Waltz, you're a hell of a guy, you deserve every bit of this, and I can't wait to hear what you do with your Oscar speech.

Disorder of the Phoenix

Is it performance art? Is it mental illness and/or drug addiction? You decide!

Whatever it is...wow. I...I'm just...speechless. Holy hell, Joaquin...

Ocular Misadventures

I've been looking for this clip online for SO long. Finding it was something that I desperately needed on this cold and lonely Monday morning in Chicago.

Check out the clip here.

That...is...perfect. Thank you, Family Guy.

P.S. "That's pie."

I dropped a Peanut M&M, and it rolled over here...

I love you, Christian Bale, but this is too funny. And you, Family Guy, you complete me.

Last Minute Predictions

Okay, so it's 6 hours before the Oscar nominations are being announced, and I'm so stoked and high on a rush of adrenaline that I decided to post my predictions for the nominees. I seriously live for this time of year. I love it! I made this list really fast purposefully so that my gut feelings would guide me, and my choices would be pure and free from second-guessing. I want to be clear that these are the films/people that I believe WILL be nominated, not necessarily the ones that I personally think SHOULD be nominated. That being said, here are my predictions for the Oscar nominees in the six major categories:

Best Picture:

The Dark Knight
Milk
Revolutionary Road
Slumdog Millionaire
The Wrestler

Best Director:

Darren Aronofsky, The Wrestler
Danny Boyle, Slumdog Millionaire
Sam Mendes, Revolutionary Road
Christopher Nolan, The Dark Knight
Gus Van Sant, Milk

Best Actor:

Leonardo DiCaprio, Revolutionary Road
Frank Langella, Frost/Nixon
Sean Penn, Milk
Brad Pitt, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Mickey Rourke, The Wrestler

Best Actress:

Anne Hathaway, Rachel Getting Married
Sally Hawkins, Happy-Go-Lucky
Kristin Scott Thomas, I've Loved You So Long
Meryl Streep, Doubt
Kate Winslet, Revolutionary Road

Best Supporting Actor:

Josh Brolin, Milk
James Franco, Milk
Heath Ledger, The Dark Knight
Dev Patel, Slumdog Millionaire
Philip Seymour Hoffman, Doubt

Best Supporting Actress:

Amy Adams, Doubt
Penelope Cruz, Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Viola Davis, Doubt
Marisa Tomei, The Wrestler
Kate Winslet, The Reader

Ta-da! Yikes, I'm really putting myself out there. This could be disastrous, but I really hope I made some good and maybe unorthodox or unexpected calls.

Super Special Bonus Prediction: Slumdog Millionaire will receive the most nominations with 12.

Fingers crossed! I'm so excited! And a little nervous! But mostly excited!

Man, I love what I do.

Quaffable, but uh...far from transcendent.

This post exists for no reason other than that I adore Family Guy and think this is one of the funniest and most random parodies I've ever seen. Hopefully it'll bring you a chuckle.

The original:



Family Guy greatness:



That makes me so happy.

Oh, and pop quiz: What's the origin of the title of this post?

Bitch Wars

The end of the year spoils us, movie-wise. Even if you don't put much stock in awards season, you can't deny the quality of the Oscar bait films. It's a sweet time...a better time.

Alas, welcome to January, where cinema goes to die. And with Bride Wars, it looks like we're right on schedule. In this nauseating-looking exercise in female bitchery, Anne Hathaway, determined to erase any cred she earned with Rachel Getting Married (think Halle Berry with Catwoman and Eddie Murphy with Norbit), and Kate Hudson, who hasn't done anything worthwhile since Almost Famous over eight years ago, star as childhood best friends who have always dreamt of having their weddings at the Plaza and, of course, being the other's maid of honor. But oh no, their weddings accidentally get booked on the same day. Whatever will they do?

Since they're women, they'll have an epic catfight, naturally. As you know, we women are totally irrational and WILL shatter a lifelong friendship and turn into shrieking, backstabbing, tantrum-throwing, superficial she-beasts at the drop of a hat, especially if you mess with our weddings. We'll resort to calling each other fat, we'll dye each other's hair blue and ensure the other gets a bad orange tan, and we're willing to throw feminism and our self-respect out the window. What decade IS this? GAG.

I'm not the only one who finds this appalling, right? Worse yet, Bride Wars has a PG rating, so every little girl can aspire to being this petty and bitchy when she grows up.

I hope I speak for all women when I say:

Ladies, please, you're embarrassing us.

Are You There, Blog? It's Me, Lisa

I don't know how to start this, my 200th post on this blog and my big comeback, other than to say that I have no clue how to start it. I haven't written anything on here or at all since that Sarah Palin post on October 13th, and that was nothing more than snarky fluff. So, it's been well over four months since I've written anything substantial with any regularity. And for the majority of that time, I barely saw any movies. I never wanted to take a break from writing or film (especially not film), but it just turned out that way. The universe had me in a choke hold. So much happened during my time away that I don't even recognize myself or my life anymore, and I'm still trying to work out if that's a good thing or not.

I don't want to get all melodramatic; this isn't a pity plea. But I do feel a sense of loyalty to this blog and to my readers, and you deserve to know what's been going on to keep me from being here. So, I'm just going to rip off the band-aid and give you a list. Here goes, in no particular order: moving out of the home that I'd lived in for over twenty years for the first time and dealing with the accompanying trauma and the constant missing, moving a second time after only one month in the new place, leaving behind family, leaving behind my beautiful dog Molly (one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make), finding new homes for my sun conure Buster and my darling rats, getting new pets, life with a puppy, relationships ending and beginning, isolation from friends, futile job hunting (the hours I spent...), getting and losing two potentially awesome, though not related to my career, jobs (SO complicated), health issues, not being able to find a job ever, being jerked around in the job search, severe psychological distress, financial woes (like, being broke all the time), losing faith in myself, losing faith in my ability as a writer, feeling like I'll never make it or fulfill my dreams, reevaluating my dreams, chronic Writer's Block, feeling like a stranger in my own body, and deciding that things needed to change. See? Painless.

In a way, I feel like I've been buried alive (but barely alive), and I'm only now trying to claw my way out of the grave. But it's still a long way up. I got proactive about a month ago by hurling myself full throttle back into cinema. I saw 10 films in the first two weeks of this catch-up project, and then I saw some of those again, bringing the total of individual showings in two weeks to 15. After that, I saw some more, but it dwindled considerably. I was exhausted. I still have a list of about 10 in theaters now that I have to see, and Santa is bringing us like a dozen more films on Christmas Day, most of which look really good. And then there are all the reviews I still need to write, from mid-summer on. It's overwhelming. And I haven't been able to write worth a damn. I didn't know if I would ever be able to write again, and I wasn't sure that I should even try. It's been terrifying.

Then, I wanted to come back to the blog so badly and write anything, just to get the gears moving again, but I felt the need to write an "explanation post" first, and thus I agonized over that process. The self-imposed pressure was suffocating. I wanted it to be perfect, but nothing ever is. As I'm writing now, it feels awkward. I'm rusty, I know it. But I had to do an explanation post of some significance, so here it is. And here it will stay. I don't want to read this ever again. I want to leave all of the negativity behind and start fresh from this very moment. I just needed to get it out - not all of it, but enough to be able to move forward and be meaningful and do meaningful things again. I know emotions and catharses aren't particularly professional, but if I can't do it on the internet, where millions of people could, in theory, read my private thoughts, than where else can I do it, right?

Before I end this, let me say that I'm really, really sorry that you had to see that horrid Sarah Palin picture every time you came here for the past two months. Please forgive me.

Oh, and hey, President Barack Obama - how about them apples? :) It's nice to be proud to be an American for once. And I'm extra proud to live in Illinois! Well, except for that whole "most corrupt state in the nation" thing and the illegal shenanigans of our buffoon's ass of a governor...that's not so good. Not surprising either. But I'm still going hold my head up high as an Illinoisan. It's the Land of Lincoln, and now it's the Land of Obama. Hell to the yeah.

Anyway...I'm not where I want to be yet, but I'm eager to start the journey again. Giddy up, boys and girls.

She's the Cheese to His Macaroni

A picture is worth a thousand words. So...enough said, right?

It's Finally Happened

Oddly-named celebrity children are speaking out. First up, Rumer Willis!

"Rumer Willis was taunted by high-school bullies because of her bizarre name.

The daughter of former Hollywood couple Demi Moore and Bruce Willis hated her name, insisting she 'got screwed' by her famous parents' choice."

See, stars? There are repercussions for your bizarre whims. Gwyneth, I'm looking at you...

Sell-Out (n.): see George Lucas

My favorite Metacritic blurbs this morning:

"The Clone Wars is the last nail in a coffin that has been propped up ever since George Lucas sold his creative soul in the quest for a few more pieces of gold." - James Berardinelli, ReelViews

"At what point might animators be arrested for doing work so ugly it causes aesthetic blindness in millions of younglings?" - Michael Phillips, Chicago Tribune

"The whole thing feels like a continuation of Lucas' experiments to see how much sh-- his dwindling supporters will take before finally saying "enough" and moving on to adult pursuits." - Pete Vonder Haar, Film Threat

Don't mistake this next statement as joking or affectionate:

George Lucas, you filthy, filthy whore.

She's Got It, Dude

I unearthed a link of this random news article from a month or so back about Jonathan Levine's film The Wackness and the on-screen sexual chemistry between Sir Ben Kingsley...and Mary-Kate Olsen. Bizarre pairing, n'est-ce pas? Well, even weirder than the mere idea of them acting opposite each other, they make out.

From the article: "He's a screen legend – heck, he's even been knighted! But Sir Ben Kingsley isn't above a little kiss-and-tell when it comes to his on-screen smooch with 22-year-old Mary-Kate Olsen in The Wackness. 'She was completely in charge,' the actor, 64, tells PEOPLE of their enthusiastic make-out scene in a telephone booth."

And weirder still...it's kind of hot.

Aww, little Michelle Tanner's all grown up and kissing knighted British actors.

Movie Moods: The Ladykillers

Despite my love for the Coens, I hated The Ladykillers (2004) so much that I walked out on it with about 20 minutes left. I don't EVER do that. Alas, the movie fits my mood for the morning.

Professor G.H. Dorr (Tom Hanks): "Madam, we must have waffles! We must all have waffles forthwith!"

There's a brand-new waffle maker sitting in the kitchen, and I'm about to make me some waffles for breakfast! Mmm mmm.

In the spirit of waffles... it HAS been 4 years - I think it's about high time I gave The Ladykillers another chance.

I Sold My Soul for $3.99

Yes, Lady in the Water was on sale at Best Buy for $3.99, and I bought it.

Shocked and/or confused? Does reading this review make me seem like a hypocrite?

Well, I did it, I'm admitting it publicly, and that's that.

I just love Paul Giamatti THAT much, and I think he's THAT damn good in it.

Case closed

Seriously?

I was lazily scanning the "news" (I hardly think Desperate Housewives' James Denton not wanting more children constitutes as news, nor does the story I'm about to mention, really, but I'm fascinated by it nonetheless) articles on IMDB yesterday, and I came across this:

Blair Wants Acid Trip

6 August 2008 9:06 AM, PDT

Actress Selma Blair has confessed she wants to travel to Amsterdam and take acid - to feel better about herself.

The Hellboy star admits she is always criticising her looks, and the only thing she likes about her body is her hands.

And when filmmaker Guillermo Del Toro suggested that taking drugs would boost her confidence, she agreed.

Blair says, "You know what Guillermo thinks? That I should go to Amsterdam and take an acid trip and it would fix my head. I think he could be right you know.

"You know, I've done some things to excess but I hate pot and I've never done acid or ecstasy. But if I was in the right frame of mind, in a pleasant, creative, chilled-out space, with just the right amount delivered by an Amsterdam technician, that would be incredible."

And, asked about her plans for the future, Blair adds: "I'll be happy and say something nice about myself for a change, I'll have gone to Amsterdam, done acid, done some amazing theatre in London. Beautiful!"

Wow.

Okay, Guillermo del Toro promoting acid trips - that explains a lot.

But seriously, Selma? SERIOUSLY? I know it's legal in Amsterdam and all, but is this really something she wants to tell the whole world about? Doesn't she have a filter for this stuff? Isn't this what publicists are for?

Perhaps she should try therapy or psychoactive drugs first. But, I guess therapy is for schmoes, right? Why be that constructive? If you have the money, by all means, fly to Amsterdam on a whim to take an acid trip and possibly fry your brain even more. If she's suffering from mental illness (like her dangerously low self-esteem, desperation to share this information, and general manner of speaking seem to indicate very strongly), I really don't think the best idea is to play around with brain chemistry like that. It could potentially make her problems worse, not solve them like she believes it will.

Sheesh, when did I turn into Nancy Reagan?

Anyway, I'm really quite open-minded about life and the things people do (it's their business, after all), and I'm extremely reluctant to pass judgment, but come on, this was stupid of her. It's not something you should tell the press, and she sounds like an idiot to boot. And it's not news-worthy either.

TMI, Miss Blair. TMI.

My Brain Revisited

I don't remember when it was exactly, but the first time I became aware of the existence of the now-playing Brideshead Revisited, a British period melodrama, I thought it was a horror film. Yes, it stars Emma Thompson and Michael Gambon, not innately scary actors in the slightest, but I didn't know they were involved then. For some reason, the name alone made my mind go there, to the horror realm.

This is somewhat disconcerting, no? Did this happen to anyone else? Or, if not, doesn't it sound like it COULD be a title for a horror film?

Validation is welcome.

Additionally, I would now like to see this film.

Talk Cinema: The Parody Problem

The following is a transcript of what I felt was a rather amusing conversation that I had with a long-time friend the other day via instant message. It was prompted by an admission through his Facebook status that he watched the Disaster Movie trailer out of morbid curiosity:

Me: "the disaster movie trailer?? tsk tsk"
Him: "it's like a car crash or physical deformity - you don't want to look but you're drawn to it anyway"
Me: "I understand"
Him: "god those movies are the harbingers of our societal destruction"
Me: "can I quote you on that some time?"
Him: "go for it"

And I did. I thought it was a hilarious and brilliant statement.

Him: "that's their second one this year. they 'parody' movies that aren't even fucking out yetand they make almost the exact same amount at the box office each time. I think it's the exact same assholes going to see each one."
Me: "yeah, I bet"
Me: "they're like 15"
Me: "and boys"
Him: "the remedial 15 year olds"
Me: "carmen electra's career is certainly doing well because of them"
Me: "how much do they gross?"
Him: "hey, i can't fault the talentless or struggling people in the movies, make your money where you can...the writer/director duo are the ones who need punishment"
Me: "true"
Him: "those two guys though...i'm irrationally angry about these things"
Him: "these movies don't even have jokes"
Me: "no"
Me: "what movies do they spoof that aren't out?"
Him: "pop culture has completely collapsed inward on itself like a dying star, where the mere reference to something qualifies as funny"
Him: "hancock"
Me: "ugh"
Him: "but yeah, have someone dress like will smith does in the movie, have him fly and hit his head on somthing and fall down - there's your joke"
Him: "have a cow fall on iron man...COMEDY"
Me: "lol" (not a fan of the internet acronyms, but sometimes the situation calls for it)
Him: "I wish I was making these things up"
Me: "iron man is in this one?"
Him: "yes"
Him: "and a cow falls on him"
Me: "isn't he a superhero?"
Him: "the hulk's pants fall off"
Me: "aren't they mixing their genres?"
Him: "i guess they're upset they didn't get to do superhero movie first"
Me: "is batman in it?"
Me: "so they make these shitty movies and can't even categorize them correctly?"
Him: "no, but juno fights sjp from sex in the city"
Me: "in DISASTER movie?"
Me: "what, fashion disaster?"
Him: "i think the main 'plot' is based on either day after tomorrow or cloverfield"
Him: "hence the title"
Me: "but everything else is taken from wherever they feel?"
Him: "oh yes"
Him: "like the princess from enchanted being hit by a car"
Him: "or a boulder falling on hannah montana"
Him: "COMEDY"
Me: "that isn't even the right genre!"
Me: "can't they do one thing right?"
Me: "how old are these guys?"
Him: "ooh, there's a character called McLover"
Him: "GET IT?"
Me: "sadly"
Him: "so anyway"
Him: "all you can really do is let out a long, defeated sigh and move on"
Me: "how old are they?"
Him: "dunno"
Him: "old enough to be castrated"

Indeed.

Movie Moods: Sideways

I'm not sure if this is a mood so much as it's just a totally autobiographical identification with Paul Giamatti's character, Miles, in Sideways. Either way, it's significant.

This is his response when Maya (Virginia Madsen) asks him why he's so into Pinot:

"Uh, I don't know, I don't know. Um, it's a hard grape to grow, as you know. Right? It's uh, it's thin-skinned, temperamental, ripens early. It's, you know, it's not a survivor like Cabernet, which can just grow anywhere and uh, thrive even when it's neglected. No, Pinot needs constant care and attention. You know? And in fact it can only grow in these really specific, little, tucked away corners of the world. And, and only the most patient and nurturing of growers can do it, really. Only somebody who really takes the time to understand Pinot's potential can then coax it into its fullest expression. Then, I mean, oh its flavors, they're just the most haunting and brilliant and thrilling and subtle and... ancient on the planet."

You see, like Miles, I am Pinot.

If you want to see five of the most poignant, haunting, romantic, brilliantly acted, and perfect minutes in the history of cinema, watch this clip with the quote in context:



I'm glad I could incorporate this quote. It's very important to me, not only because of its personal resonance, but because I'm on a Paul Giamatti binge lately. I'm in full-on obsession mode. And his performance in Sideways is just the end-all, be-all as far as I'm concerned.

In light of my strong feelings on that matter, his genuine, unceasing class and humility, particularly from an interview with The Onion's A.V. Club, amazes me and only makes me love him more:

The A.V. Club: You've said that you didn't deserve to win an Academy Award for Sideways. Why?

Paul Giamatti: I certainly probably said that. [Laughs.] Sure. I don't think I gave a good enough performance to be nominated for it. I thought I gave a fine performance, but those things are supposed to be about giving an extraordinary performance, aren't they? I don't feel like I did. I feel like it's a great movie, and everybody's really good in it. I feel like Tom [Haden Church] and Virginia [Madsen] actually gave the kind of performances that should have been nominated. I don't feel like I did. I'm not putting myself down or anything. I did a good job. But I always thought those things were about doing better than a good job.

AVC: Is that one of your favorite performances? Do you feel like there's another film where you really knocked it out of the park?

PG: No. I think I'm a fine enough actor. There are performances that I prefer to that one. I see a lot of flaws in that one. There are other things that I think I'm better in.

AVC: What kind of flaws? What would you have done differently?

PG: I don't know that it's so much what I would have done differently in playing the character - like I would have chosen necessarily to have done different things - but I think I would be more relaxed about doing it now. I think I felt a lot of pressure doing it, because I'd never played a part in a movie that big before. So I think I worked too hard at it in the wrong ways. I overworked it.

Au contraire, Mr. Giamatti.

Movie Moods: My Man Godfrey

With the potential to become a regular feature on Lisa's Film Archive, "Movie Moods" allows me to express my mood or feelings du jour (or longer than un jour) via a film. Observe today's sentiment.

"Life is but an empty bubble."

-- Irene Bullock (the devastatingly exquisite Carole Lombard) in one of the greatest screwball comedies ever, and one of my favorite films, My Man Godfrey

Pregnancy Becomes Her

Wow. I'd be jealous if I wasn't so busy fostering my girl-crush on her. Is Angelina Jolie the most beautiful woman on the planet? Quite possibly. I think I speak for everyone here when I say, "Hot damn!"