Prison Heartbreak

I Want to Live! is absolutely one of the most emotionally-wrenching, upsetting, disturbing, powerful, and affecting films ever made. From my own experience, I'd say it ties with Requiem for a Dream for the top spot. Many people have never heard of I Want to Live!, but if you've seen Requiem, you understand the weight of my comparison.

It's such a tragedy that I Want to Live! is so forgotten today, because it's one of the great cinematic masterpieces. It tells the true (arguably - based on lots of facts, but it IS a movie) story of Barbara Graham, a woman wrongly (in the movie) imprisoned for murder and served up as sort of a sacrificial lamb for society to feast upon. Everyone who can uses her and screws her over. She sells papers (this film from 1958 gets media frenzy like few others), she's the scapegoat for her male "accomplices," her case can make or break lawyer's careers, and among other things, she can function as a walking dollar sign, promotion, or "get out of jail free" card. It's truly sick.

I'm not exaggerating when I say that this film is one of the most brutal experiences you'll ever have in your life. I Want to Live! is a knockout from start to finish, but it gets stronger and more taxing as it goes on, to say the very least. There are courtroom scenes as riveting as any I've ever seen in a film. But when Barbara gets sentenced to death by the gas chamber, buckle up. Director Robert Wise painstakingly recreates the circumstances of this capital punishment, down to the last painful detail. For the final half hour (maybe even longer), you just sit there and watch the preparations for her death. You see the chamber readied, the cyanide capsules carefully gathered and rigged, and all the rest. This is excruciatingly intercut with Barbara waiting to hear if her execution is postponed or even dismissed. Words really can't even describe it. You just have to see the movie. I won't tell you what happens, but I promise you'll never forget it.

Now, I mentioned this was directed by Robert Wise. Yes, the Robert Wise behind The Haunting, West Side Story, and The Sound of Music. Try thinking of The Sound of Music in the context of what I just described to you. It's mind-boggling. He is truly one of the most talented and treasured chameleons we ever had. The look and feel of I Want to Live! is jazzy, edgy, and way ahead of its time.

Susan Hayward stars as Barbara Graham, and that's really all you need to know in terms of cast. Yes, the acting is uniformly great, but no one else matters. I don't even know what to say about her. I almost don't feel worthy to write about Hayward in this film. My writing seems so feeble. Seeing is the only way to know. But I'll say this - she delivers one of the best performances in film history, like in the top ten. She explodes with raw, fierce energy, like a volcano. It's such an unbridled, fearless performance. Hayward embodies life itself. It's just incredible. She won the Oscar for I Want to Live!, proof that there is some justice in this cruel world.

I've seen I Want to Live! three times now, and I've never cried, at least not more than misty eyes or a few tears here or there. I practically weep at Disney movies, so I thought I would sob uncontrollably at this. But nope, barely even a drop. I didn't get it. I felt inhuman, like a monster. Then, I realized - I Want to Live! hit me too hard to cry.

Rating: ***** (out of 5)