Sunday, February 10, 2008

Christina Ricci, This Is Your Life

Dear Christina Ricci,

I am staging a career intervention for you. You're very talented and have given some phenomenal performances in your life, but you've been making some lousy choices lately. You're lost and confused. Here are three examples of how you've gone horribly astray:

1. Black Snake Moan - Your character is a disgrace to all women. It's disgusting. This is one of the most misogynistic pieces of crap I've ever seen, and by starring in it, you condone it.

2. Penelope - After playing a self-loathing, oversexed bitch in heat looking for a man to tame her in Black Snake Moan, now you're trying to be a role model for young girls in a PG movie? I realize this was shot before Black Snake Moan, but it's coming out after it, and it's a perplexing follow-up. What image exactly are you going for? The trailer for Penelope made me want to vomit. It looks like one of the moronic movies ever, with a gag-inducing, cringe-worthy premise. And, for all the millions the film cost, the pig nose couldn't look more fake. Skimping on the make-up department might not be a wise idea when you're making a movie about a girl with a freaking pig nose. You look ridiculous What were you thinking? Penelope looks awful, awful, awful.

3. Speed Racer - I don't care if the Wachowski Brothers are behind it. It looks stupid. Sue me.

In conclusion, stop it. Please. Just stop. Maybe it's time to get a new agent and reevaluate your career. You're better than this.

A Horrified and Concerned Fan


Anonymous said...

How can you say someone needs a career intervention when you haven't even seen two of the last three movies they made? Also, Penelope was filmed after Black Snake Moan, maybe you should check your facts. Also, are you sure you saw Black Snake Moan? Because I'm not sure we saw the same movie and you are in the minority with your opinion on that one.

Lisa Draski said...

I appreciate your comments and respect your opinion. Everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion, and this just happens to be mine. There's no need to get so upset - I'm just having fun. It's a joke. Actually, Penelope was made years ago and has been shopped around and shelfed for quite awhile. It made its premiere at a festival on 9/8/2006, and Black Snake Moan didn't make a debut until 12/9/06. I'm not positive, and maybe you're correct, but everything I've heard indicates Penelope was shot first. Also, I am absolutely POSITIVE I saw Black Snake Moan. I wrote a review about it on here. I appreciate you reading, and thank you for your comments.